RESULTS
IWS Know Your Enemies 2007
Bogeys World, April 28th, 2007


All Photos by Sean Radwanski

Recap by
Llakor

IWS Know Your Enemies Results
Saturday, April 28th, 2007
Bogeys World, Montreal, Quebec

DVD Now Available!

 

Steen Returns - Viking Defends
Ninjas Win - Phantom Bleeds

In a wild evening, the Hardcore Ninjaz won the IWS Tag Team Titles for a record fourth time in a match that they were not even scheduled to be a part of. During the chaos of the end of that match, the Green Phantom’s arm was gashed open by light tubes and a barbed wire chair. Much to the Phantom’s disgust, he was brought to the nearest hospital by ambulance, stretchered out at the insistence of the paramedics during the main event.

The Green Phantom is fine. He had three internal stitches and ten external stitches. He checked himself out of the hospital (against his doctor’s advice) within five minutes of the last stitch being tied. Sexxxy Eddy, the Green Phantom’s partner, told me that the Phantom was mostly angry at being forced to leave the IWS show during the main event, and absolutely furious that the paramedics refused to let him walk to the ambulance. The Phantom grabbed a taxi cab outside the hospital, refused to share it with Eddy, and left his tag team partner stranded at the hospital as the Phantom returned to the Ancient Green Hills of Two Mountains.

During the main event, Viking narrowly defended his IWS title in a wild three-way brawl with Kevin Steen and “Paranoid” Jake Matthews. The fighting was so intense that when Steen and Viking rampaged their way through the merchandise area laying waste to it much like Godzilla and King Ghidorah tearing through downtown Tokyo, about fifty hockey fans in the next room abandoned watching the Stanley Cup playoffs to witness the chaos and stayed to see the end of the match.

Know Your Enemies 2007
Quick and Dirty Results
Saturday, April 28th, 2007
Bogey's World
Montreal, Quebec, CANADA
Attendance 289

(About fifty people watching the hockey playoffs in the next room, came storming in to watch when the main event disintegrated into a street fight. So the end of the show was seen by close to 350 people.)

Shayne Hawke vs. Kenny the Bastard
Kenny wins with a roll-up after 7:56

Rock and Cock Express (Pornstar Juan and Twiggy) vs. Hi-5 (Beef Wellington and Kid Kamikaze)
Rock and Cock Express were credited with the win when Twiggy hit Beef Wellington with a top rope cross body block at 14:36, even though Juan was tapping to Kid Kamikaze's STF at the time.

EXesS Open Challenge: EXesS vs. Justin White
EXesS beat Justin White with a roll-up after 13:51.

Shane Matthews vs. Fred la Merveille
Shane won in 9:44 with help from Uncle Manny.

IWS Tag Title Match: Champions: Green Oil Two: Electric Boogaloo (The Green Phantom and Sexy Eddie) vs. Number One Contenders: The Super Smash Brothers (Player Uno and Stupefied) vs. The Hardcore Ninjaz
The Hardcore Ninjaz pinned the Green Phantom to win at 15:10 and become the new IWS tag team champions.

IWS Title Match: Champion: Viking vs. "Paranoid" Jake Matthews vs. "Mr. Wrestling" Kevin Steen
Viking won to retain his title at 16:40, pinning Jake Matthews after a vicious chair shot to the back.
********************************************************************

Know Your Enemies 2007 Detailed Results

Shayne Hawke opened the show with a paranoid rant about how he was screwed out of a win at Un F’N Sanctioned 2007 in his Quebec Rules match against Fred la Merveille. Even paranoids are sometimes right, and Shayne has plenty to complain about after this match. His opponent, Kenny the Bastard was born in New Zealand, but was recently made a full Canadian citizen or pet or something in a complicated animal exchange with the Auckland Zoo. The minute he was no longer in danger of being deported, Kenny showed his true stripes by joining Fred la Merveille’s newly reformed Quebec nationalist stable, the SLI. Fred gave Kenny a lot of help in this match, saving him from being pinned on at least three occasions. It looked like Kenny had the match won when he hit Shayne with his Slither Splash, but le Maudit Roux rallied to kick out at two. Looking for an advantage to counter Fred’s interference, Shayne removed the top turnbuckle pad, but was struck down by the hand of irony, when IWS referee C J Scott noticed the turnbuckle was missing. As a result, Scott had his back turned to the action, replacing the pad, when Shayne Hawke destroyed Kenny and covered him for a King Kong Bundy five count. While Shayne confronted Scott over the non-count, Kenny desperately attacked Shayne from behind and rolled him up for the win at 7:56.

Manny came out with “Paranoid” Jake Matthews and Lollipop to gloat over the success of Un F’N Sanctioned 2007 and after making his usual claims about being the youngest, most successful, best looking wrestling promoter with the biggest dick, proceeded to announce that he was pleased to announce that Viking’s title reign was finally going to come to a close as he had found a hired gun to help Jake Matthews beat Viking for the title, “I convinced Kevin Steen to cancel Ring of Honor. I told him I needed him for one night only to beat Viking to within an inch of his life so that Jake Matthews can pin him and I can have a real Heavy-Weight champion for the IWS.”

Kevin Steen came out and was quick to say that he had not cancelled ROH at Manny’s request, but had called Manny to tell him that for personal reasons he would be in town for the weekend and was free to wrestle. “You didn’t tell me nothing. I don’t do what you tell me to do. Of course I am in the main event. The last time I was in the IWS main event was last August for Hardcore Heat. You remember Manny? You told me to kill Viking and take his title. Well I beat that crazy bastard to within an inch of his life, we put on the match of the year and the only reason that I did not win the title is because Viking is the toughest son of a bitch that I have ever met in the ring. And when I was sitting in the back, picking thumbtacks out of my skull you came up to me and started screaming about how I failed. I thought about that a lot, Manny. I thought about that when I was in Japan and I heard that you brainwashed PCO into being your muscle. So, yeah, I am here to beat Viking to within an inch of his life, again. But I am not here for just one night. For the first time in two and a half years, you actually are organized enough to give me dates six months in advance, so for the first time in two and a half years, I can actually say that KEVIN STEEN IS BACK! Yeah, I’ll beat Viking, but I am not doing it for you Manny and I am sure as hell not doing it for Jake Matthews, I am doing it for me. Oh and Jake...”

And then, Kevin super-kicked Jake in the face.

And I laughed and I laughed and I laughed. Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy really. In Jake Matthews case, Kevin Steen’s footprint across his face would qualify as a cosmetic upgrade.

The Rock and Cock Express resumed their winning ways at the expense of Hi-5, albeit in controversial fashion. Despite starting out at an enormous disadvantage as Hi-5 demonstrated their much greater wrestling knowledge and experience, so much so that Juan was reduced to begging anyone and everyone in the crowd to give him a knife for an edge against Kid Kamikaze.

An obvious goof on supposed shooter EXesS who pulled a knife on IWS champion Viking during Un F’N Sanctioned 2007 and stabbed him twice in a failed effort to win the IWS title.

But the RCE rallied to make a match of it. Twiggy pinned Beef Wellington with a top rope cross body block at 14:36. The controversy arises from the fact that as Twiggy hit Beef for the pin right in front of IWS referee C J Scott, at exactly that moment, behind Scott, Juan was furiously tapping to Kid Kamikaze’s STF.

EXesS faced his stiffest challenge to date as the 2006 NWA Rookie of the Year, Justin White, gave EXesS everything that he could handle and then some. The crowd started out hostile to Justin chanting “Kill the Hobbit” and “Fuck Him Up EXesS”, but as the match went on the crowd warmed to the rookie, especially after Justin made a spectacular dive over the ropes and EXesS, dragging the Baby Oil Phenom off the apron with a Sunset Flip to the floor. Justin had EXesS trapped with a French Guillotine when EXesS made a desperate lunge for the ropes and IWS referee Yan was reluctantly forced to break the hold. The dejected rookie made a rookie mistake and lost concentration for a split second, just enough time for EXesS to hit a surprise roll-up and steal the win at 13:51.

After the match, Justin offered his hand to EXesS. The veteran accepted the gesture of respect, but only to lure Justin into an ass-kicking. The supposed shooter grabbed a chair to finish off the rookie, but Justin was saved with a run-in by the charging Stefany Sinclair. The Association de Lutte Feminin champion has her own bone to pick with EXesS after he put her in the hospital during Violent Valentine 2007, and EXesS took off like a scalded cat, refusing to return to the ring no matter how politely Justin and Stefany invited him back in.

Shane Matthews came to the ring to explain his break with his 2.0 partner Jagged and his new alliance with “Uncle Manny”, by claiming that Jagged never called while he was out with an injury, while Manny showed real concern for his “Singles Superstar”.

I happen to know that Shane is delusional on this point. I accompanied Jagged myself to the hospital to visit Shane before and after his operation. Manny also visited Shane, but only because he had just been released from the same hospital after suffering a panic attack at the climax of a three day drug binge when he became convinced him that his heart was exploding.

Shane tangled with Fred la Merveille in an impromptu match with Manny pulling Above Standards (Carl Choquette and Eric Lauze) from the back to be the referees. Desperate to please Manny, Above Standards made certain that Fred would not get a three count on Shane and looked the other way - actually they didn’t even bother to turn their heads and pretend not to notice - as Manny decked Fred to help give Shane Matthews the win at 9:44.

Lionel Knight called me at four in the morning to tell me that Team CheckMate would not be coming to Know Your Enemies because his tag team partner had fucked up his hand beating some Quebecker’s skull in. I think Lionel was distorting history, because I understand from some fans in Ontario that a pane of glass was involved. In any case, their inability to come to Montreal left the Hardcore Ninjaz with no match... until Sexxxy Eddy, one half of the tag team champions made them a part of the tag team title match.

As indicated above, the Ninjaz won this match, one that they were not even scheduled to be in. Also a surprise was the number and variety of Nintendo consoles that gave their lives on behalf of the Super Smash Brothers as Player Uno and Stupified pulled out all the stops for tag team gold. The climax of the match saw Stupefied hit the Green Phantom with a reverse Spanish Fly, followed immediately by Player Uno nailing the Green Phantom with his Frog(ger) Splash. Reacting on instinct Uno rolled out of the way just as Eddy leaped with his Peter North Porn Splash to prevent the pin, but Uno’s quick thinking caused Eddy to hit his own partner instead. The Ninjaz chose this perfect moment to ambush the Super Smash Brothers bum-rushing them from the ring. Hardcore Ninja Number One buried the Green Phantom with light tubes as the Evil Ninja swarmed up top to hit his top rope Pearl Harbour dive with a barbed-wire chair. The Green Phantom’s arm, torn asunder by the barbed wire, was gushing blood in an arterial spray as the referee counted three at 15:10 and declared the Ninjaz the victors and new IWS tag team champions.

“Who knew the old man had so much blood in him?” This marks the Hardcore Ninjaz fourth title reign as a team, and Hardcore Ninja Number One’s fifth reign as tag team champion.

As the paramedics worked on the Green Phantom in the dressing room, Joey Soprano announced that the IWS would be returning to the Medley on September 29th for Blood, Sweat and Beers.

The main event was a crazy brawl with a wild finish. After storming through the merchandise area, Viking stunned Steen and laid him out on a table, before jumping to the top of a nearby candy and chip machine to drop a leg on Steen. The table no-sold, stunning Viking (and the crowd). Steen took advantage to lay out Viking on the table and he ensured the break by destroying Viking with a frog splash from the top of the candy machine. With Viking obliterated, Steen looked ready to win the contest against Jake Matthews and claim (or rather re-claim) the IWS title, until PCO charged in from the back and destroyed his former protege with a Peace-liner. Jake Matthews was pressuring Steen to submit to an abdominal stretch, when Viking saved Steen by clobbering Jake Matthews from behind with a chair and then pinning Matthews for the win (and to defend his title) at 16:10.