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RESULTS
Europe Braces For OLE!-Mania El Generico won the King of Europe Cup qualifier last night during the International Wrestling Syndicate's Praise the Violence show. El Generico defeated Jagged and Kid Kamikaze in a three-way dance, pinning Jagged, to earn the right to represent his promotion, his city and his country in the King of Europe Cup, to to be held in Liverpool, England on April 28th and 29th. The Masked Montreal Mexican will also represent the IWS and Canada in wXw's 16 Karat Gold tournament to be held in Essen, Germany during the 4th, 5th and 6th of May. IWS Praise the Violence 2007 Results Quick & Dirty Match#1: The Hardcore Ninjaz vs. Up in Smoke (Cheech and Cloudy) Match#2 - EXesS Open Challenge Match: EXesS vs. Eric Doucet Match#3 - EXesS Open Challenge Match: EXesS vs. The Amazing Darkstone Match#4 - Custody of Kid Kamikaze Match: Beef Wellington vs. Vanessa Kraven Match#5 - King of Europe Cup Qualifier: Kid Kamikaze vs. Jagged vs. El Generico Match#6: Shayne Hawke vs. Fred la Merveille Match#7 - Number One Contender's Tag Team Scramble Elimination Match: Match#8 - IWS Canadian Title Match: Dan Paysan vs. Sexxxy Eddy Match#9 - Main Event - Falls Count Anywhere:
************************************************************** Praise the Violence got started with IWS ring announcer, Joey Soprano, announcing that the IWS would be returning to downtown Montreal for a huge show at the beautiful Medley on March 24th. The IWS Medley shows have been voted Quebec show of the year for five years running, and this year promises to be no different. IWS tag team champions, Mean and Green (Dru Onyx and the Green Phantom) came to ring side before the first match to "scout their opponents." The fans at ring-side understood that the champions real motive was to torment the former champions, the Hardcore Ninjaz, who lost their belts last month during Season's Beatings 2007 in the annual Christmas Tree Death Match, but without actually being pinned for their belts. To the fans great displeasure, Mean and Green interfered in a heated and competitive match between the Ninjaz and Up in Smoke (Cheech and Cloudy), bringing it to a premature conclusion. When Dru Onyx struck Cloudy with a chair, IWS senior official, Jeremy "The Prophet" Barnoff, awarded the match to Cheech and Cloudy by disqualification after 9:52. Eric Doucet, a student of Emil Dupre, came to the IWS to answer EXesS' Open Challenge. He put up a brave fight before being forced to tap to EXesS's Stretch Muffler variant at 7:18. Unfortunately for Eric, EXesS prevented Joey Soprano from announcing him and instructed the IWS DJ to play no music for him. The crowd wanted to cheer for Eric Doucet, but had no idea who they were cheering for. It's the first time that I have ever heard a crowd chant "Jobber" as encouragement rather than as a taunt. After disposing of Eric Doucet, EXesS asked for more, and his challenge was answered by Ontario's The Amazing Darkstone. Unfortunately for Darkstone, he made the tactical error of hitting EXesS with a rubber chicken. The Montreal Metrosexual snapped, and had Darkstone tapping to the Stretch Muffler in 4:43, even faster than with the less experienced Doucet. Before the show, Beef Wellington announced on Bloodstream that he intended to reunite Hi-5 with his BFF (Best Friend Forever), Kid Kamikaze. His former partner was less than impressed by this suggestion saying, "I tagged with you last month out of pity. If I am going to tag with anyone it will be with Vanessa Kraven." Beef decided on the spot that he would challenge Vanessa Kraven,"To see who the better man is, and to determine once and for all, who has custody of Kid Kamikaze!" Beef had a chance to win, but when he had Vanessa lined up for a top rope Ass Punch, he opted instead to go for a move that Beef called, "The Tossed Salad... and I tossed her salad good!" One thing is for certain, it did not lead to a pin for Beef as an outraged Vanessa killed Beef dead with successive power moves through first a chair, and then a table propped in the corner, leading to the pin at 7:47. El Generico, Kid Kamikaze and Jagged fought a spirited and competitive match for the right to represent the IWS, Montreal and Canada at the King of Europe Cup and wXw's 16 Karat Gold Tournament. El Generico made a statement that the match was his to lose early on, hitting a preposterous dive to the outside barely a minute into the match. Kid Kamikaze impressed with what looked like a figure four variant that had El Generico twisted helpless on his head. Even Jagged had to admire the submission move, before breaking it up with a dropped elbow. It seemed like Jagged had the edge in the match when his tag team partner, Shane Matthews, abandoned his post as guest commentator to cheer Jagged on from ring side. Shane must still be bothered by his nagging knee injury, because when El Generico dropped Jagged on his head with a lightning quick BRAAAAAINBUSTAH!, at 9:19, Shane was not quite quick enough to prevent the pin. After the match, Shane became a chair-wielding maniac, attacking both El Generico, and to the shock of everyone, his own partner, Jagged. Taking the mike, Shane announced that he had to teach Jagged a lesson in tough love, and challenged Jagged to a match, March 24th at the Medley in a bout that the fans are already calling, "The Battle of 2.0". Shayne Hawke and Fred la Merveille broke their final ties with the U.S.A., debuting new outfits during an odd promo involving the two men, Joey Soprano and Above Standards (Carl Choquette and Eric Lauze), which broke down into a brawl between Shayne Hawke and Fred. From a backstage perspective, no one has ever benefitted more from the guiding hand of a mentor than Shayne Hawke did last year. Thanks to Fred's patient coaching, Shayne turned from the greenest of rookies to being a force in his own right, practically stealing the show on a couple of occasions last year. Given all that, it made me physically ill to see Shayne turn on Fred, and use Above Standards to secure the win, and then punish Fred by plowing him from the top rope through four chairs. I mean, if you need help from Above Standards to succeed, aren't you better off failing? Kevin Steen and Franky the Mobster were an intimidating and dominant physical force during the Tag Team Elimination Scramble Match to determine who would face Mean and Green for the IWS Tag Team Titles at Violent Valentine, February 17th. Kevin Steen eliminated the Super Smash Brothers (Player Uno and Stupefied) by pinning Stupefied at 6:08. Team Checkmate (Chris Bishop and Lionel Knight) put up a brave fight, combining for a whirlwind of quickly executed moves to keep Steen and Franky off balance. But Team Checkmate had just fought a gruelling match against Up in Smoke the night before in Ontario at UWA Hardcore, and Chris Bishop is still not 100% recovered from the injuries that he suffered when a drunk driver plowed into his car, hurting both him and Nick Watts. Franky sealed the deal with his sit-out choke slam to pin Lionel Knight at 8:53. Like two fat cats playing with two really small mice, Franky and Kevin Steen toyed with Twiggy and Pornstar Juan. I will admit that I was yelling at Twiggy just to stay down and take the pin, rather than kick out and continue to take the punishment from Steen and Franky. You can not fault the courage of Twiggy and Juan. I do not know where they find their inspiration. Perhaps it is the body of their motivational coach, Montreal Internet porn star, Seska. Perhaps it is something internal. Who knows? All I do know is that Juan managed to kick Franky to his knees with a well-timed low blow, and Twiggy hit Kevin Steen with a perfectly placed top rope Cross Body Block knocking Kevin into Franky which lead to a miraculous double pin by Twiggy and Juan at 13:25. Of course, the bad news is that now Twiggy and Juan have earned the privilege of getting killed by "Mean and Green". It is not that I do not have the utmost confidence in Twiggy and Juan's abilities, but I felt it necessary to place a deposit on a pair of (small) coffins. I fear that we may be forced to have a closed casket ceremony. Sexxxy Eddy thrilled the female fans of the IWS, coming to the ring for his match against IWS Canadian champion Dan Paysan, to the sounds of the Saturday Night Live song "Dick In a Box" and carrying a monstrous sized box for the ladies. The gambit may have been a little too successful, as Eddy was distracted during the match by all of his female admirers. Eddy had offence, but it was a little scatter shot, and his failure to focus on a body part gave Dan Paysan a surprisingly easy victory over Eddy after 6:51. Dan remains, in Joey Soprano's words, "The IWS Italian-Canadian Champion." As an editorial note, I should mention that when Shane Matthews abandoned the commentary booth, I took his place. For those who prefer their commentary to be calm, rational and objective, I am afraid that this will not be the main event for you. I am not entirely clear how it happened. Mike Rotch, our play by play man, said something and I just saw red. I don't consider myself a particularly brave man, but somehow I found myself screaming "SCUM!" at Jake Matthews when he was standing two feet away from me waving a shovel. Our next show is Violent Valentine, Saturday, February 17th, 2007 at Bogey’s World Bar & Billiard, 3250 Cremazie Est (corner of Cremazie and St-Michel near the St-Michel metro), Montreal, Quebec, CANADA. Doors open at 7:30pm, show starts at 8:30pm, tickets are $20 for VIP, $15 for Regular. 18+, card and times subject to change. Already signed is a match for the IWS Tag Team Titles between champions Mean and Green (Dru Onyx and the Green Phantom) vs. the Rock N' Cock Express (Twiggy and Pornstar Juan). Our retarded little step-brother, Inter-Species Wrestling, will be hosting a show called Slamtasia, Saturday, March 3rd, 2007 at Bogey’s World Bar & Billiard, 3250 Cremazie Est (corner of Cremazie and St-Michel near the St-Michel metro), Montreal, Quebec, CANADA. Doors open at 7:00pm, show starts at 8:00pm, tickets are $10. No reserved seating. 18+, card and times subject to change. For more information go to www.beyondthebarn.org or e-mail [email protected]. On Saturday, March 24th, 2007, we return to downtown Montreal for a show at the beautiful Medley. Already signed for Un F'N Sanctioned is "The Battle for 2.0" between tag partners Shane Matthews and Jagged. The Medley is at 1170 St-Denis, near the Berri-UQAM Metro. Montreal, Quebec, CANADA. Doors open at 7:30 pm, show starts at 9 pm. VIP tickets are $30, Regular tickets are $20. VIP ticket holders admitted first. No reserved seating. Tickets can be purchased online SOON at http://www.ticketpro.ca or in person at the Medley box office. 18+. Card and times subject to change. Just so that people don't get their hopes up, venue issues make it impossible for us to do a Fans Bring the Weapons Match this time. (Medley is usually cool with it but there's not enough time to clean all the glass before the next event being held there, basically.) That does not mean that it's not going to be a FUCKING INCREDIBLE Hardcore with two heads show though. Manny has been dropping me hints as to what is going to happen just so that he can watch my head explode. For more information e-mail [email protected] |
