RESULTS
IWS Know Your Enemies 2006
Bogeys World, March 11th, 2006

Official Results for IWS Know Your Enemies

A Victory for Ye Olde Skool

Whether you call them SLI Classique like me; whether you call them the Angry Aryans; whether you call them simply Damian and Viking, the one thing that everyone can agree on is that when they were a tag team they were the most feared tag team in Canada, and last night during Know Your Enemies for “One Night Only - One Time Only” you can call them victors as they beat the team of IWS champion EXesS and his partner in crime Franky the Mobster. It was an old fashioned brawl that also showcased nasty submission wrestling as both Damian and EXesS tried to twist their opponents into Esher-like human pretzels. Viking and Damian won the match by giving the IWS champion EXesS their old school double team “Tueur de Policiers” for the win at 19:00.

During the match, EXesS dislocated Viking’s jaw sending the “Lutteur de Biere” to the hospital immediately after the show. Unable to speak, Viking assured me over MSN that he would be fine for our next show Scarred For Life and that EXesS has made a huge mistake. Before, Viking wanted EXesS’ IWS title, now Viking wants EXesS’ title and he wants to beat EXesS to within an inch of his life while he takes the belt.

IWS Know Your Enemies

Saturday, March 11th, 2006

Bogey’s World, Montreal, Quebec, Canada

Attendance: Standing Room Only.

Last month we ran out of chairs and we had about one hundred people standing, this month we bought one hundred new chairs, and we STILL had people standing, about thirty.

Know Your Enemies Results - Quick and Dirty

1. Kenny the Bastard won the IWS Canadian Open to become the Number One Contender for the IWS Canadian title. (18:36)

Order of Entrants: Chris Bishop, Jeff Flury, Fred la Merveille, Jimmy Stone, Takao, Kenny the Bastard, Shayne Hawke, Jagger W. Bush.

Order of Elimination:

-Jeff Flury (entered 0:00, eliminated 8:49 by Jimmy Stone)

-Jimmy Stone (entered 4:00, eliminated 11:39 by Chris Bishop)

-Shayne Hawke (entered 10:00, eliminated 15:52 by Takao and Kenny the Bastard)

-Jagger W. Bush (entered 12:00, eliminated 15:52 by Takao and Kenny the Bastard)

-Takao (entered 6:00, eliminated 16:27 by Kenny the Bastard)

-Chris Bishop (entered 0:00, eliminated 17:29 by Fred la Merveille)

-Fred la Merveille (entered 2:00. eliminated 18:36 by Kenny the Bastard)

-Kenny the Bastard (entered 8:00. Winner at 18:36.)

2. Dan Paysan beat Lionel Knight in 12:17.

3. 2.0 (Jagged and Shane Matthews) defended their tag team titles in 11:05 beating the Kid Kamikaze Experience featuring Vanessa Kraven.

4. Maxime Boyer beat Player Uno in 9:40.

5. Tomassino and "Paranoid" Jake Matthews beat Pierre Carl Ouellet and the Green Phantom in 7:00.

DRU ONYX! made his return to the IWS as the special guest referee.

After the match, the Green Phantom turned on PCO and both Onyx and the Phantom took turns beating on PCO.

6. Twiggy pinned PCP Crazy F'N Manny in 3:20 with help from Beef Wellington and Pornstar Juan.

7. The Hardcore Ninjaz beat Beef Wellington in 12:22 to earn a title shot against 2.0.

After the match, Manny beat down Beef and challenged him to a match at the Medley on June 3rd.

- A FANS BRING THE WEAPONS MATCH!

8. Viking and Damian beat EXesS and Franky the Mobster in 19:00.

*******************************************************

IWS Know Your Enemies Detailed Results

Actually, before I get to the detailed results please allow me to digress briefly...

IWS Olde Skool is walking into a McDonald’s at one in the morning with Beef Wellington, watching Kid Kamikaze cut in line while Beef and I wait patiently at the end of the line and when we are finally served having the following conversation:

“I’ll have the chicken salad.”

“We have no chicken for the salad.”

“OK. I guess I’ll have the regular salad then.”

“We have no salad either.”

“I see. That leaves just the fries then?”

“Yes. Would you like a Coke with that?”

“Can I have a club soda?”

“We have no cream soda.”

“Not CREAM soda. CLUB soda. Soda Water.”

“We don’t have that either. How about Sprite?”

“Do you have Diet Sprite?”

“No, the only diet soda that we have is Diet Coke.”

“I’ll have a Diet Coke then.”

“We’re out.”

“Naturally. I’ll have the Sprite.”

(Pause while my order is prepared.)

“Aren’t I supposed to have a Double Mint gum with that?”

(Looking at Beef Wellington behind me) “Sir, do you know that your head is bleeding?”

Beef “Don’t change the subject. Why are you trying to fuck the man out of his gum?”

It was like being trapped in a lost John Belushi Saturday Night Live skit.

But I digress... back to the results.

*****************************************

IWS Know Your Enemies Detailed Results

Know Your Enemies began with IWS owner PCP Crazy F’N Manny coming to the ring with Franky the Mobster. Manny announced that after our last show Praise the Violence, IWS announcer Brian the Guppie had complained to the IWS co-owner Carol Cox about Kevin Steen and El Generico attacking fans at ring side. Carol suspended Steen and Generico for one show. Manny, in retaliation, suspended Brian the Guppie for one show pointing that Guppie had also put his hands on a fan... who attacked El Generico from behind. Manny introduced Guppie’s replacement: the regular MWF announcer, Crush.

Franky the Mobster then took over the mike for an extended rant against Damian, claiming that Damian wasn’t really a wrestler because all he did was hit people as hard as he could and any idiot mark at ring side could do that... and some could probably hit harder than Damian. He then introduced a new segment of the show that he called “Be Damian!” Pulling broom-girl Rachel out of the crowd, Franky asked her to “Be Damian!” and hit him as hard she could. It took some doing but Manny and Franky finally convinced her to hit Franky.

I’m very proud of Rachel. She’s a tiny little thing; a shy fixture of the IWS; an incredibly hard working volunteer, but she is far from being Vanessa Kraven. Still, last night she gave Franky the Mobster a stiff fore-arm shot as good as if she had been trained by Fit Finley. She rocked Franky the Mobster back on his heels and from his expression I think she surprised the fuck out of him. Of course, once he regained his composure, he flat-out murdered her with a clothesline.

The first match of the night was a fun eight-man elimination match called the IWS Canadian Open. Chris Bishop and Jeff Flury started the match and the other wrestlers entered at two minute intervals. Chris Bishop was the “Iron Man” of the match, lasting 17:29, but it was Kenny the Bastard who stole the show and won the match, eliminating his own tag team partner Takao and the entire SLI-USA contingent: Shayne Hawke, Jagger W. Bush and Fred la Merveille. Kenny won the match after 18:36, pinning Fred la Merveille, after reversing Fred’s attempt at an “American” German suplex by pushing off and over-rotating the German into a Sliced Bread Number Two and landing on his feet.

Dan Paysan’s former valet continued her obsessive stalking of Dan, bringing out Lionel Knight as her “D’Vyne Challenge” declaring “Once You Go Black, You Never Go Back!” Dan dispatched Lionel Knight, pinning him after 12:17. Knight had a chance for the win after giving Dan a massive vertical suplex onto some folded chairs, but Dan dramatically just got his shoulder up before the three count. A frustrated Lionel Knight built a “chair fort” to finish off Dan, but took too long and ended up being put through his own construction with the “Kiss of Death” Dan’s swinging neck breaker.

Back Stage, Dan pointed out to me, “That dumb bitch D’Vyne has no idea what she’s talking about. ‘Once You Go Black, You Don’t Go Back!’ Hasn’t she seen “True Romance”? I’m Sicilian. She’s already had her Black and she’s had it front and back!”

The IWS tag team champions 2.0, Jagged and Shane Matthews, defended their titles by double pinning Vanessa Kraven at 11:05 after a SICK chair shot, but not before Vanessa wiped the smirks off the faces of the Sultans of Smirk with a series of chops so loud that they could be heard in the parking lot of Bogey’s and a series of power-bombs that brought the IWS fans to their feet to pound the mat. Vanessa’s partner, Kid Kamikaze, the IWS Canadian champion, continued to prove why he is called the “Technical Wizard” of the IWS, while also demonstrating why his selfishness makes him unreliable as a tag team partner.

Maxime Boyer beat Player Uno in 9:40 to remain a member of the SLI-USA. The match... how can I put this? Let’s see... They beat the ever-living FUCK out of each other. Player Uno, as long time IWS fans know, has memorized the Contra code “up up down down left right left right b a b a start” to give himself thirty extra lives, but “Mr. Old School” Maxime Boyer had him well scouted and used up all thirty of those lives in a determined and ferocious beating.

After Maxime Boyer’s win, the SLI-USA came out to celebrate and Fred la Merveille announced that he was going to commemorate the victory by singing the US national anthem. Thankfully, Fred didn’t go more than two verses before he was interrupted by Pierre Carl Ouellet, who charged the ring to the cheers of the crowd, and utterly destroyed Shayne Hawke and Jagger W. Bush with a DOUBLE Death Valley Driver. The American Idol Shayne Hawke made the mistake of staggering to his feet so PCO finished the job with a pump handle Rikishi Driver.

PCO called his partner, the Green Phantom, to the ring for their “Best Heavyweights of Quebec” tag match against Joey Soprano’s clients Tomassino and “Paranoid” Jake Matthews. Of course, you can’t talk about the best heavyweights in Quebec without talking about Dru Onyx. Long time estranged from the IWS, Onyx’ return startled even supposed wrestling insiders and led to a thunderous “Welcome Back” chant. Onyx volunteered to ref the tag match and declared that he was going to use “Old School” rules - with count-outs and disqualifications. As it turned out, Onyx did an old school fast count giving Tomassino the pin on the Green Phantom after 7:00.

After the match, PCO and the Green Phantom confronted Dru Onyx in the ring over his fast count. It appeared that Onyx and the Green Phantom were going to come to blows, until the Green Phantom turned and slugged PCO instead. Onyx and the Green Phantom took turns beating on PCO while the Green Phantom announced that he and Onyx had joined forces to destroy everyone in Quebec beginning with PCO.

Onyx’ return was such a surprise that fans were literally calling friends on their cells so that they could hear his theme song playing. When Kevin Steen called from Philadelphia with the CZW results and was told that Onyx was back he was so startled and so pleased that he said, “I think that I just creamed myself.” Just another example why it is never a good idea to miss a live IWS event. You never know what will happen or who will show up.

In the ultimate David vs. Goliath match, the tiny terror Twiggy beat IWS Owner PCP Crazy F’N Manny in 3:20... with a little help from his friends Beef Wellington and Porn Star Juan. Twiggy demonstrated his cunning, starting the match by stunning Manny and the crowd with a thunderous clock shot to Manny’s head. Twiggy has been coming to the ring wearing that clock around his neck for the better part of a year - concealing a weapon by wearing it in plain sight. Manny recovered quickly however and retaliated by press lifting Twiggy and throwing him into the third row ringside. When Twiggy got back into the ring, he orchestrated a sneak victory over Manny, distracting the IWS owner with the surprise return of Porn Star Juan with a barbed wire bat. While Juan menaced Manny, Beef Welllington snuck into the ring, and hit Manny with a top rope Ass Punch, knocking Manny into a stiff shot from Juan’s barbed wire bat which folded up Manny for Twiggy’s pin.

The Hardcore Ninjaz beat Beef Wellington in a handicap match after 12:22 to earn a shot at 2.0’s IWS tag team titles. During Bloodstream, Beef declared that he loved the main event brawl from Praise the Violence because it was the first time in a long time that he had got his ass kicked and he missed the feeling. In that case, Beef must have been ecstatic over his match with the Ninjaz that turned old school when the Ninjaz hauled out a mouse trap board and covered the ring in thumb tacks. It’s an odd thing about the Hardcore Ninjaz: when they hate you, they beat the shit out of you; when they like you, they beat the shit out of you, but they do it respectfully.

After the Handicap match, Manny hit the ring with 2.0 as back-up to get his revenge on Beef. Over the prone and bleeding Beef, Manny announced that Beef would need to find himself a partner for June 3rd, at the Medley in downtown Montreal, during the main event of Un F’N Sanctioned for a very special match. As old school IWS fans know the main event of Un F’N Sanctioned is always FANS BRING THE WEAPONS!

2.0 were actually planning to hit the ring to give Beef the win so that they wouldn’t have to defend their titles against the Ninjaz, but Manny held them back because he wanted to see Beef beaten and hurt. Because Beef lost the match, he doesn’t get his match against El Generico, at least for the immediate future.

To sum up, it was an IWS “Ye Olde Skool” night. “Mr. Old School” Maxime Boyer won; an IWS Old School legend, Dru Onyx, returned to the IWS after a two year absence; Beef Wellington and the Hardcore Ninjaz had an IWS Old School Hardcore match; we announced our ultimate Old School event Un F’N Sanctioned with the main event Fans Bring the Weapons match; and the IWS Old School team of SLI Classique, Viking and Damian, beat the IWS champion EXesS and his hired gun Franky the Mobster.

Our next show is Scarred For Life, Saturday, April 22nd at Bogey’s World, 3250 Cremazie East, corner of Cremazie and St-Michel near the St-Michel Metro. Montreal, Quebec, CANADA. Doors open at 6:30 pm, show starts at 8 pm. VIP tickets are $20, Regular tickets are $15. Order by paypal from [email protected] or call 514-232-3873. 18+. Card and times subject to change.

Un F’N Sanctioned is Saturday, June 3rd at the Medley, 1170 St-Denis, near the Berri-UQAM Metro. Montreal, Quebec, CANADA. Doors open at 7:30 pm, show starts at 9 pm. VIP tickets are $25, Regular tickets are $20. VIP ticket holders admitted first. No reserved seating. Order by paypal from [email protected] or call 514-232-3873. 18+. Card and times subject to change.